Jokes On Valentine’s Day

Thanks to for these:

Ladies, don’t get old…


There was this guy who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day.

One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over, with the exception of his “thing.” He quickly decided to do something about that. He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his “thing”, which he left sticking out.

Two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the “thing” sticking out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, saying to the other old lady, “There is no justice in the world!”

The other old lady said, “What do you mean by that?”.

The first old lady replied, “Look at that!
When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
Now that I’m 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I’m too old to squat!”

***** But remember, you DO have your uses! (I think girlie bashing week is still on..)

A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she’s embarrassed and doesn’t want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees.

She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says,”I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!

“Don’t worry,” he says, “I didn’t tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she had the operation done herself.

“Who is the third rose from?” she asked.

“Oh,” says the doctor,”that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!”